| All parents
want to have open and positive communications with their kids. It doesn't
take an expert to know that good family communication is essential for
kids to grow up as healthy individuals. But with all the stress and
strains of busy lives, parents sometimes forget to make the special effort
necessary to have good communication. Here are some simple communication
tips to help make talking to your kids more enjoyable and more effective:
DO: Relax. Effective communication can't happen if everyone is tired and tense. Choose the right time and place. Talk to your kids when you're not in a hurry and don't seem distracted and rushed. Set aside enough time to really connect. Listen. Effective listening is more than just "not talking." Make eye contact. Acknowledge what they're saying and show that you understand, even if you don't agree. If you don't understand, ask your child to clarify what he or she is trying to say. Enhance self-esteem. Praise your child for as many positive things as you can find. Try to point out at least one positive thing in your child's life or behavior to praise each time you talk. DON'T: Don't lecture. You shouldn't be doing all the talking. Let your child have equal time. Don't make up your mind ahead of time. If you are only interested in getting your point across, you will never hear your child's side of things. Don't criticize your child, criticize the behavior. Make sure your child knows you're unhappy with their actions or behavior, not with them as a person. Let them know that, although you might not always like what they do, you always love them. ,b>Chris is 14 years old. His mother is doing his laundry when she finds a condom in the pocket of his jeans. She frantically confronts Chris about what she's found. Mom: I found this in your pocket! Don't you know that you're too young to have sex. You're still a baby yourself. Chris: Take it easy, Mom. It's no big deal. Mom: No big deal! Are you stupid? Do you know what could happen? I expect more from you. Chris: I don't care what you say. You have no idea what's going on. Later, Chris's Dad talks with Chris about what his Mom found. Dad: Chris, your Mom and I are concerned you're getting involved in things you're not ready for. But we'd like to hear your side of the story. Do you want to talk about it? Chris: One of my friends had the condom, Dad. He just gave it to me as a joke. Dad: Thanks for telling me. But remember, sex and birth control are no joke. Let's sit down and talk about it and see if you have any questions you want to ask me. Chris: That would be cool, Dad. What Worked: When Chris's Dad showed interest in Chris's side of the story and was willing to listen, Chris told him about the condom. Their honest conversation became a good way for Chris's Dad to suggest a more in-depth conversation about sex that Chris felt comfortable about. What Didn't Work: When Chris's Mom became angry about the condom and jumped to conclusions, Chris wasn't willing to talk with her. She made the mistake of criticizing Chris and making him feel defensive without having all the information. |
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